What’s the dumbest thing a Republican lawmaker can say about climate change? Is it Donald Trump saying that it’s a Chinese conspiracy theory? Is it Representative John Shimkus saying that it doesn’t matter because God already promised us after Noah’s Flood that he wouldn’t destroy the Earth? Or is it Senator James Inhofe telling Rachel Maddow that it can’t be true because combating it would be far too expensive?
Or is it the latest contender, Representative Mo Brooks telling an actual climate scientist that the global sea levels are rising because rocks are falling into the ocean?
Hold on, because it’s about to get so much worse. Brooks had the opportunity to say such a stupid thing because he is on the US House of Representatives Science Space and Technology Committee, which is like me being on a committee focused on NASCAR, Steven Universe fan-fiction and post-Keynesian economics. In other words, shit I know nothing about. (And I know, I know, I’ve been meaning to watch Steven Universe. I’ll get to it.)
The Committee was gathered to talk about how technology can be used to combat climate change, but instead of talking about that very important subject, it turned out to be a third-grade-level lecture for two hours, in which Dr. Philip Duffy of Woods Hole Research Center patiently explained to seventy-year-old men that no, rocks do not make the sea levels rise; and no, the chart that Lamar Smith brought along to prove that climate change was fake was not based on actual science just because it’s in a chart form; and no, Bill Posey, scientists in the 1970s did not think that humans were actually causing the Earth to cool; no that Time Magazine cover is a hoax.
Of all the dumb shit that was said during those two hours, obviously Mo Brooks wins for the dumbest. Here’s a direct quote from him as he attempted to really sell his idea that rocks falling into the ocean are what’s responsible for the sea levels rising:
Every time you have that soil or rock or whatever it is that is deposited into the seas, that forces the sea levels to rise, because now you have less space in those oceans, because the bottom is moving up.
[-grown ass man on a god damn science committee]
Seriously. Mel Brooks is a 64-year-old man and he sounds like an actual child. That is something a child would say in a poorly researched report on what he thinks makes water go up and down. “Now you have less space in those oceans because the bottom is moving up.” Jesus Christ.
This is why we’re all gonna die. Yes, the coming nuclear war with North Korea or whoever is not going to be pleasant, but some humans will survive. But no-one will survive the coming temperature increase, and it’s going to happen because the science wing of the government of one of the biggest superpowers in the world today can’t talk about technological solutions to the problem because the people running the committee can’t even get past the fact that it’s happening.
It’s as if our house is on fire and when the firefighters show up, they say, “I’m sorry, but we just don’t believe in fire.” And you’re like, “Wait, you what now?” And they say, “We don’t really have any evidence that fire is real. Like, what is it even? Is it a solid? And if so, then how does my hand pass through it? If it’s a gas, why can I see it? How does it grow if it’s not alive? I read a scientific article on 4chan once that says that fire is a Chinese conspiracy made up to frighten us into staying chilly all winter.” When you’re dealing with someone that willfully stupid, your house is just going to burn down, because by the time you answer all their stupid questions it’s going to be too late.
Remember this, please, as midterms approach: Please, for the sake of the next generation, and for my own sanity’s sake, please vote these man-children out of office before our house burns down.
