PETA doesn’t want you to see this video

Some time ago, comedy site and #1 source for dick-joke-themed listicles Cracked.com posted a video exposing PETA as the wretched hive of scum and pet-kidnapping-and-killing villainy that it is. I can’t link to it, though, because the notoriously thin-skinned group hit Cracked with a cease & desist, and the video was promptly memory-holed.

In response, Cracked just released a new video in which they not only reiterate the same points (because they’re the factual truth), but also gave PETA the opportunity to respond in advance to clear up any issues. Here’s that video, originally posted on YouTube:

[EMBED CODE BROKEN; CLICK LINK ABOVE TO VIEW ORIGINAL VIDEO]

Transcript:

(Click to open/close:) [−]

KATY STOLL: Hi guys! It’s me, Kat from Cracked, the YouTube page you’re currently on.

Some of you may remember a video I released about PETA.

STOLL (in previous video): No, I do not mean the delicious unleavened bread which is a staple in Mediterranean cuisine. I am talking about the not-so-secret and arguably evil activist group, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

STOLL: Yes. Some of you may remember that. But for the rest of you, don’t bother doing a search, because it no longer exists. The reason the video no longer exists is because a few days after we posted it, Cracked was contacted by PETA’s lawyers with a cease and desist. They demanded that “Cracked.com immediately cease and desist from making false and defamatory statement about PETA”, and that “PETA demands the immediate retraction of the video from and all publication platforms” and “a written apology”. “Please govern yourself accordingly.”

They also called it a “hit piece”, which honestly was flattering. I mean, 300,000 views isn’t bad, but I wouldn’t quite call it a “hit”, you know?

So I was asked to compile all my sources, and not only did they continue to support my thesis – that PETA is the [fuck]ing worst – but I also noticed that threatening litigation against people who tell the truth is just another terrible thing that PETA regularly does. Douglas Anthony Cooper from The Huffington Post, for example, states that “[p]eople are routinely threatened by PETA’s lawyers, but nobody has been sued for repeating this. For good reason: PETA would have a very bad day in court”. Which upsets me! You know? You can’t bully people into being silent.

So we decided to take that video down and make a new one. But this time, we would ask PETA to comment.

Which brings us to today, where I am re-explaining all of the truly terrible things you didn’t know you should know about PETA. Again: Not the bread. (I promise I won’t keep doing this bit. I can sense it’s getting a bit … stale.)

Number one: They claim to be the champions of the animal kingdom …

STOLL (in previous video): … but, in reality, they’re more like the Chuckie of the animal kingdom.

Yeah, we already went through all this in the original video that no longer exists, but, like, this stuff is really important, so let’s just quickly recap.

PETA euthanizes 90% of the animals that come through their doors. Even healthy, young, adoptable animals. There are innumerable accounts of animals being dropped off with the promise of finding new homes, but instead they were immediately killed. In fact, PETA is against no-kill shelters.

And, according to ex-PETA employees, they would sometimes steal pets to be euthanized. Take this account from Heather Harper-Troje, who stated in an interview with The Huffington Post that while stolen animals were the minority, it was an acceptable practice, that it was standard operating procedure, and that stolen animals would not be re-homed because they leave a trail.

In their original cease and desist, PETA states that this report is false, that it comes from “a disgruntled former employee who worked for PETA before it operated any animal shelter, and has no knowledge of the incident”. But that is actually false, because in her interview, Ms. Harper-Troje describes the bleak conditions of PETA’s shelters, and says that Ingrid Newkirk herself encouraged daily doctoring of logs to conceal how many animals they killed.

Now, why the heck would an organization that claims to support the ethical treatment of animals do all of this? Because PETA does not believe humans should own pets. Now, obviously that is a somewhat dramatic statement. I’m pretty sure it’s called hyperbole – only, like, the best word ever. Obviously PETA employees have pets. But, since there are animal overpopulations^[sic], PETA’s official stance is that mercy killing is better than living in a shelter.

In their letter to us, PETA’s lawyers defended the organization by saying that “[e]very owner who brings [in] an animal to PETA signs a form transferring ownership and acknowledging that the animal may be euthanized”. Which is beside the point! Telling people their animal may be euthanized is very different from telling them they most likely will be euthanized.

Number two: They support animal activism.

STOLL (in previous video): Did I say “activism”? Sorry – I meant “terrorism”.

And I mean that literally. They have literally paid the legal fees for members of known domestic terrorist organization such as the ELF and ALF. PETA representatives have been quoted saying:

PETA REPRESENTATIVE (recording): […] blowing stuff up and smashing windows […] I think it’s a great way to bring about animal liberation.

STOLL: And at one point, the FBI was even monitoring their activity, and according to this report from the Department of Justice, the FBI concluded that “(PETA) does provide ‘what can be considered at least tacit support for the Animal Liberation Front and it’s^[sic] illegal activity. And that several leading PETA members had expressed support for ALF activities and refused to condemn them.” The report also says “[…] it was believed that PETA was involved in target selection for past ALF/ELF attacks and that PETA was alleged to have established a faction within PETA to secretly support ALF/ELF activities and/or cells”.

Again: This is from the Department of Justice, talking about secret terrorist cells.

Now, obviously PETA’s lawyers hated this. In their letter, they said that “[y]our claim that PETA supports terrorism is similarly false and defamatory and must be immediately retracted” and “[t]o say that PET supports terrorism and has been investigated by the FBI for terrorism is an astounding claim”. Which is funny, because PETA General Counsel Jeff Kerr himself, CC’ed on all these emails they keep sending me, is actually quoted in this Washington Post article about how the FBI was investigating PETA. [laughs] See? Isn’t that funny? Classic Jeff.

Number three: They are against any industry using animals or animal products. Which … okay, I understand that to a degree. I myself am a vegetarian, and I totally respect the vegan lifestyle. But for an organization that euthanizes the majority of the animals coming through their doors and routinely disposes of their bodies in dumpsters – I dunno, kinda seems hypocritical. Also:

STOLL (in previous video): Let’s be real. A world without any animal testing is a world without vaccines, or cancer treatments, or deodorant! I’m not sure that’s a world I’m ready to live in.

STOLL: Number four: They claim to spread truth and awareness.

STOLL (in previous video): But in actuality, they rely on bullying and misinformation to spread their message.

STOLL: You know what, I actually … I think I said it best the first time around, so I’m just gonna let us keep watching that.

STOLL (in previous video): PETA has frequently come under fire for their aggressive ad campaigns, including the one famously comparing meat-eaters to Nazis. Which frankly confuses me, since their shelters could frankly be compared to a death camp. I said it. Not to mention this ad, where they straight-up lie, stating that eating dairy is linked to autism. While I do understand the desire to create an aggressive, attention-grabbing campaign, maybe spreading lies and shame isn’t the best way to get people on your team.

STOLL: Did you, uh, did you catch that Trump reference? Good. Because it feels more pertinent now than ever. You cannot bully people into believing a distorted version of the truth. You cannot use litigation to hide injustice. And we cannot accept this, from politicians, for corporations, or from non-profits, apparently.

This is just like, it’s just … It’s so frustrating, you know? Because, like, okay, if PETA had animals’ best interests at heart, it seems like they could spend their ad budget on good things, like ad campaigns promoting adoptions, or lobby to push legislation through that saves animals instead of legislation that saves kill shelters. What about it, PETA? I know you’re watchin’. What about doing that instead?

True to my word, I reached out to them for comment on all of these points, and this is what they wrote back: “[I]f you were approaching us with a desire to learn about PETA’s work to help animals vs. just seeking to smear PETA, we’d be happy to answer your questions. It is, however, abundantly clear, based on your most recent emails, that this is a hatchet job and that you have not reviewed any of the information about PETA’s work that I sent you and which is available at www.PETASaves.com.”

On the contrary, I did review the information. And none of it answers my questions, which is why I made the video in the first place.

Look, if you agree with PETA’s philosophical point of view and these facts don’t bother you, well then okay, I guess. Continue to support them. But my point is that most people who donate to PETA do not know where their money is actually going, and that is a problem. But now that you know the truth, please take that information and do whatever you want with it. I dunno. Maybe share this video a ton. I dunno, who cares? Personally, I encourage you to donate to more trustworthy organizations like the Wildlife Conservation Society or the American Humane Association. But hey, to each their own.

Real quick: Why’d the chicken cross the road? To get away from PETA! Why did the cat climb the tree? To get away from PETA! Okay, okay, one more, okay. Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Interrupting cow. (Interrupting cow w—) Augh, please don’t send me to PETA!

If you’re wondering why the above isn’t a YouTube video, that’s because the original was yanked only hours after publication (I only knew about it because I caught its RSS feed item whilst that was still up). It’s a safe bet another PETA C&D was involved (though I’ve yet to find confirmation at this time).

In short: In addition to being a pack of mendacious hypocrites (and occasional terrorist-supporters) who run famously terrible ad campaigns accusing everyone else of animal cruelty whilst slaughtering the vast majority of the animals in their “care” (some of which they outright steal from their owners), they’re also cowardly bullies who will throw groundless legal threats at critics who expose them for what they are. They’re largely the reason animal rights activism is the butt of jokes. It’s enough to make you seriously question anyone who supports them.

You know what PETA would really hate, though? If you shared that video around and got as many people to see it as possible. PETA really doesn’t want you to do that. It would make them and their thug-for-money lawyers very sad. After all, they’ve clearly never heard of the Streisand Effect.

Edit (12/31/17 @ 6:07 AM ET): Noticed the video embed code broke and the code offered by the site now isn’t responsive (doesn’t shrink for smaller screens), so I’ve removed the embedded video.