Trumpy Bear will haunt your dreams

Let’s play a game: Poe or legit? See the answer below. (If you watch the ad, you lose either way.)

Transcript

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NARRATOR: The wind whispered through the forest. A storm is coming. You cannot defeat the storm. From the trees rose a resounding voice: “I fear nothing. I come when the Trumpet ^[sic] sounds. I am the storm, the great American grizzly.”

Introducing the original Trumpy Bear: the fearless, super-plush American grizzly. Trumpy Bear was born June 14th, Flag Day. Just find a secret zipper and pull out the flag blanket, then wrap yourself in the red white and blue for comfort and warmth. Show your patriotism and proudly display Trumpy on Flag Day and on any American holiday. Trumpy can even honor your own family heroes.

WOMAN: God Bless America and God bless Trumpy Bear.

NARRATOR: Trumpy Bear sits proudly at the front of the motorcycle for all the world to see, and loves to cruise with his brother.

MAN #1: I’m a former Marine and I’m proud to have Trumpy Bear ride by my side. Once a Marine, always a Marine.

NARRATOR: Everyone knows Trumpy Bear loves to go to the golf course.

MAN #2: When I ride with Trumpy Bear, he makes my golf game great again. Thank you, Trumpy Bear!

NARRATOR: Simply style his trademark hair and plays live in its paper chair. Even the toughest guys will love Trumpy Bear.

MAN #3: When America is great, business is great. When business is great, I am great. I love you, Trumpy Bear!

MAN #4: I am an Army veteran. I am proud to own the Trumpy Bear and I will always be proud to be an American.

NARRATOR: Order the Super Plus Trumpy Bear for only two payments of $19.95 and receive a special certificate of authenticity. Don’t miss out on owning a piece of American history. Order now for only two payments of $19.95.

Trumpy: The most fearless bear anywhere. Order now.

Sadly, this is, to quote The Poke, “a hideously real thing”. You can check out the equally hideous website if the video wasn’t enough for you.

In a way, though, commemorating the Trump presidency with a goofy, overpriced toy animal slathered in flag-worship and peddled to gullible supporters – it seems appropriate.

(via Joe.My.God.)